I was supposed to be taking my flight back to Madrid 3 months ago. It has been almost 9 months since I packed my life in a few boxes and grabbed my backpack saying goodbye to a life I was living for 32 years. With so much fear and tears in my eyes I left a life full of wonderful people, stability, so many good moments and some other not as good. A life full of comfort and complaints. Although I refused to admit it, most of my steps where guided by society. That life I looked with nostalgia for a while, now fades away in the thousands of adventures my eyes have seen.
Maybe you would be asking to yourself why did I buy a return ticket. The answer is very simple: the cost of a one way ticket was 400 Euro and the round trip was 500 euros.” But if you didn’t know if you were going to catch that flight, why did you buy it?” Changing the flight date costs 150 Euro plus the change rate fee. So if I couldn’t deal with my new lifestyle I had the possibility of changing it and in case of being content with it I was completely sure I would like to be on Christmas at home. Today I’m not that sure.
I have learned everything can change in a couple of days, hours or even minutes and it’s impossible to predict what would you want in 6 months. I spent my whole life planning every step I took. I knew in January where I was going to be in summer holidays and I was used to buy flight tickets months before the trip was planned. Today I have lost my flight back to my old comfortable life. Sometimes it’s better to miss your flight. This journey taught me that planning is useless sometimes and life leads you to paths you would never expect. I am not the same girl who left a white and cold Madrid and arrived to a hot and humid Singapore. I’m not even the same girl who struggle after a month on the road and wrote desperate thinking more in going back than in walking. Neither the girl that three months ago began to live more in the now.
I have learned more in these few months than in the whole time I spent alienated and I piled up so many teachings in my fingertips. During my first 3 months I was moving all the time and experiencing the backpacker lifestyle visiting as many places I could. I realized that is not what I was looking for. I am the worst traveler you can find in a hostel full of people drinking and wanting to go to the local pubs. I am shy and it’s not very easy for me to make friends so I used to hide behind my tablet. I realized I didn’t know who I was and I have spent almost my whole life looking myself through others people’s eyes. When I faced the world without anyone to ask for my identity, I felt lost and terribly lonely. I wasted my days feeding my energy with batteries that other people gave me and I forgot to let my own light shine.
I have realized you can find a home thousands of kilometers away from where you originally are and find a family for a couple of weeks. I love living in community where good days are a little bit less hard. I have learned that destiny leads you where you have to go even tough you insist in taking another path. The path can be long but in the end you will find what the universe was keeping for you in a corner of your heart. Having faith and forget about worries is difficult but sometimes you have to close your eyes and believe life will take you where you are supposed to go. Being happy is not that difficult so, why don’t you let yourself flow with the wind’s pace?
I have learned lots of yoga. And meditation techniques I didn’t even know about. I found how to live in the here and in the now, accepting and forgiving mypast and not waiting or worrying about thefuture. Today I know the meaning of mindfulness and even tough integrate it in my daily life is not that easy I am in the way to live my life within. I learned to be greatful and let go what is not beneficial for me.
I am starting to live again a life I lost in the shadows, a life full of negative thoughts. Today I vonceive the world happiness in a very different way. That happiness is not in the boxes where I keep my few belongings or in the houndreds of objects society tells me I should have. I have learned to live withput a car, a television, a couch and even a washing machine. I also have learned that sharing is always more rewarding than owning. I have learned to be happy with hugs of those who two weeks ago where strangers and now are family. Than a flower at your door can bright up your day and there is more kindness in people than we thought. They don’t teach us how to develop emotional intelligence and we live frustrated waiting to achieve a state of happiness that never comes. We don’t learn how to enjoy the moment and we keep on dreraming insteed of leaving. We don’t know what “to flow” means. Mihalyi Csikszentmihalyi described this concept in his book Flow: The Psychology of Happiness. I am still trying to reach it but I know my steps are going towards that state of happiness.
I don’t expect anything from the next 6 months. I live every second as it was the last one and I try to stay in the present moment.